Remembering Shanta Barber

Every now and then someone waltzes into your life when you least expect it and even though you may not have much time with them you bond. Shanta sought me out from a breast cancer support list we were both on. She had many questions about death and dying and sought me out for answers. In the process we became good friends. We only saw each other in person once and that was to go for tempura for lunch. Shanta picked me up in her husbands BMW and I was in love (with the car mostly). Shanta was able to out eat me 2 to 1 that day. We had to laugh because we were both undergoing treatment and yet we were ravenous. The food was amazing. That day I decided to give her a special ring tone on my cell phone. I played it for her and she really loved it. I could never get rid of it so I have now assigned it to her husband, Dennis. Shanta went with me for wound care and met my oncologist. I had hoped she would entrust her care to my oncologist, but she kept looking for the perfect doctor and by that time it was too late.

Shanta and I shared many thoughts through emails and I called her often to see how she was doing. We had originally planned to do tempura once a month, but she became more ill. I now wish I had done take out and gone to see her. I've never quite known what to say to someone who is dying.

As Shanta and I hung out that day she decided to teach me how to be Afro American. She knew I was interested in learning everything about cultures and the differences in people. Shanta had me put my hands in the air and she told me to "raise the roof". I kept pushing on the roof of her BMW and she was laughing hysterically. She finally showed me how to "raise the roof" and told me that I was going to take a lot of work. She endeared herself to me forever for being color blind and for allowing me to be silly with her.

Shanta also raised my awareness of the magnitude of breast cancer in Afro American women and the increase in death rates.

At Shanta's funeral I placed my survivor button in her casket. She always told me that she learned a great deal from me, but in the end she really ended up to be my greatest teacher.

She fought the good fight, she stayed the course and she kept the faith.

Thumbs Up Beamer!