I'm really glad I don't live in Seattle, I wouldn't like the constant rain. As is, in Texas the weather changes every 15 minutes. It's not uncommon for it to rain on one side of the road and not the other. I don't have much energy these days, but had to do some laundry and hauled it to the laundromat this morning. I was very fatigued by the time I got there. I put a dent into what I need to get done and it was nice that no one else was there early this morning.

When you are going through a catastrophic illness you start to appreciate little things like green grass, flowers and an uncrowded laundromat. I don't sweat the small stuff anymore.

I was so tired from just doing a little laundry that I crashed until 4pm this afternoon. Fatigue is a common problem and one that I just have to deal with.
People who visit my website have been incredibly supportive and understanding
esp after treatment days. I don't do chemo anymore per se, I do receive a drug called zometa once a month in an IV through the port in my chest. I also take a number of drugs on a daily basis, one of which is designed to keep my horomone levels down. My kidneys hurt much of the time because the drugs are hard on my body. I sometimes wonder if it's the drugs that kill people more than the cancer.

Cancer has been a wake up call for me. I like to think I'm surviving because I'm a pain in the ass. I just refuse to give up like my mother did. She died at 56, smoked herself to death, but she had two different types of breast cancer. I'm not ready to give up yet. I don't feel old at 52, I still have several years ahead of me.

Well here I am all messed up and no place to grow. It's been a long week.

Just to catch everyone up the Penn and Teller Bullshit segment I am in aired in Aug 2004, it's called Death, Inc. They did a good job, considering it is only a 30 min show.

Flight From Death documentary has not been released yet. I was interviewed for Flight in 2003. Patrick is an awesome director. Greg is a joy to be around even if he is folically impaired.

I have shit loads of laundry to do today. I think between Starbucks and laundry I'll be busy woman. There is nothing quite as disgusting as having a pair of jeans be able to stand up on their own.

Later, kids!

O.K. I'm sure someone is bound to ask "you lost your blog". Yeah well chalk it up to chemo brain. I know its been 10 months since I wrote anything, but I honestly lost track of it.

Life is an interesting chain of events for me. My neighbors from hell have finally sold their house (yes!), but now I want a bigger house myself. I've been to Hawaii a few bazillion times and made it to the top of Diamonhead Crater last April. Research is always interesting, but we are no closer to a cure for advanced breast cancer than we were a year ago.

I'm so happy I found this blog again. Not that anyone will care what I think or have to say, but maybe just maybe someone will read this one day and say "wow she was prophetic, cool and had one hell of a sense of humor".

*&^%^&(! Microsoft Explorer

My Explorer stopped working right and after several calls to my ISP I finally gave up trying to fix it. Downloaded Netscape and voila I am back.

I've also been busy with crabgrass, my online websites and just trying to keep my head above water.

Starbucks is my new best friend!

I didn't blog for a couple of days...sorry. Sunday was the one year anniversary of the death of my 19 year old cat, Jazz. I know some of you are probably thinking "a cat?", well yes, he was my baby. I miss him. He was such a unique little gray tabby being and what a love! Actually he wasn't little, he was a pretty big kitty. A love muffin. I've just been thinking about him and how much he meant and still means to me.

I wonder if the hurt will ever go away. Will I ever be able to open my heart to another cat? I still have Rumor, my bengal, who was close to Jazz. Rumor has been much nicer to me the last few months. He seems to know that I didn't do anything to Jazz, that Jazz is gone. Still I have this thing about gray tabby cats. Who knows maybe I will let another one adopt me.

Today I discovered I have broken plumbing. Not on me you silly, my house. Then again my plumbing is rather questionable.

I have not slept in over 24 hours and I actually don't feel too bad. Being stuck for hours waiting for the plumber, I decided to try to weed eat my yard until my lawncare guy showed up. I am lethal with a weed eather. My grass looks like George Bush having a bad hair day. Thank goodness Marco, my lawn guy, cleaned it up for me. I may live in Texas, but I am a democrat. And politics is probably a subject I shouldn't get started on.

Blogging is interesting, but I wonder if anyone is even reading this?

My chihuahua, Bogey, four pounds of pure love, watches over my shoulder as I type. I have this big, comfy chair that he loves because we can cuddle. What a sweetie, I call him my "polywog". He has learned how to give five and can even high five.
I'm a big animal lover, as you will find out as I divulge more of the insanity that is my life.

Blessings to whomever is reading this.

If anyone has any comments about my blog please send them to

msprozac@earthlink.net

I now return you to your regular programming!

I have not died yet, much to a few folks amazement. There are days I even surprise myself. Some days I feel pretty good and other days I wonder what hit me. I think I should probably do something constructive today, something simple like, save the world, implement world peace, find a cure for taxes or maybe even run for President.

My doctors tell me that I am incurable. Aren't we all, really? Aren't we all dying a little each day? So isn't it better to say that I am "incurably alive"?

I think I like this blog, no one talks back to me, tells me I can't be opinionated and tells me I should "take my condition more seriously".

I have two peeves with regards to my cancer. It absolutely raises my blood pressure when I hear someone say "she/he lost their battle with cancer". NO ONE who has ever gone through this is a loser! Our bodies may eventually give out but PLEASE don't tell anyone who survives me that I am a loser.

I also hate the phrase "cancer survivor", I am a warrior, so please call me Ms. Cancer Warrior.

Oh and what the heck some people think they have to yell at me so I can hear them, I have cancer I am not deaf, I know you mean well, but cancer does not equate to deaf and dumb and it certainly is not an automatic death sentence.

Here is the url to my website http://bluelips.com/?source=blog now go there and buy something!

The one thing I think women should know about breast reconstruction is that it's not all it's hyped up to be. They cut your boobs off and then they try to make you new ones. You no longer have nipples, the ones that they graft on you permanently stand up and are called "projectiles".

The only good thing about breast implants is that you feel bouyant. I swear to God that in the event of a water landing I can now be used as a flotation device.

There are days when I want to yell at the world that breast cancer sucks and it's unfair. Today is not one of those days I feel like yelling. I have insomnia, maybe it's because I'm wired thanks to the Food and Drug Admin. So I've started a blog. Maybe you will learn something from me, maybe even *I* will learn something from me.

Since I am new at this please bear with me.

Welcome to my world where I can blog as I damn well please